As parents, that’s what we all want, right? To be connected strongly to our children. Our children are hard-wired to seek it from us, and we’re built to give it — especially in times of distress.
But where it all goes wrong is when we unknowingly start acting in ways that perpetuate our child’s distress and anxiety.
You may experience this as your child demanding more and more of your time and attention, as you step in to rescue them over and over. It may feel like your child is starting to take over your life (as well as those of his siblings) both inside and outside of the home.
And you’re frustrated, because nothing you’ve done seems to be enough. And also because the only options you see are putting them into the downward spiral of either therapy or medicine.
You wonder why things have gotten so bad, when all you really want is to have your child back. And that thought is upsetting, because you love them as they ARE, while still wishing for them to be who they WERE.
You may be thinking that your child needs help. But maybe you don’t know what kind of help they need. Maybe their symptoms don’t seem that bad to you. Maybe you’re afraid of a stigma for being in therapy.
But one thing is for certain: Whether your child needs professional help or not, YOU being the only current source of help isn’t getting you where you need to go.
You are trying your best, doing what you think is right, but things just aren’t improving. You are making compromises with your child that you know you shouldn’t, but you’re not sure you can face the alternative.
You’ve been focusing on protecting your child from the anxious feelings, doing everything you possibly can to run interference for them, when the REAL problem is that you have not given them the skills, the problem solving capabilities, and the confidence in themselves to handle it FOR themselves.
And listen to me when I say it was not your fault. You did the best you knew how, and let your instincts kick in. But somewhere along the way, it got a little out-of-hand, like the snowball rolling down the hill. And I’m here NOW to tell you that with just a little help, just a little support, you can be the guide that your child needs (instead of the shield that he doesn’t).
Instead, when you get CLEAR on the behaviors that have been unknowingly keeping your child stuck in their pattern of dependency on you for emotional regulation, THEN you can make small, but powerful shifts that will ultimately get them moving forward in self-reliance.
You are an amazing parent. After all — you’re here, aren’t you — looking for answers, trying to give your child their best life. You deserve a great relationship with your child — the one you were meant to have. You only need to make a couple small shifts in what you’re doing, and then you will:
This is possible for you.
I’m Kara Czerniak, coach, speaker, educator, and author of My Worry Free Kid: Learn How to Support Your Child in Facing their Anxious Thinking and How Your Good Intentions May Be Making It WORSE. I am passionate about guiding parents through building confident kids and coaching them to have the strength to finally take back their power and restore peace and harmony to their homes.
With over 30 years of experience working with kids and their parents, I am not your standard assembly line therapist or coach. Using my unique background focusing on the brain as well as parent mindset, I deliver what you can’t get anywhere else… I help parents give their kids the skills, the problem-solving capabilities, and most of all a secure platform from which to jump into the unknown.